Warrington IMBRL 54 v Heavy Woollen Donkeys 16
Sunday 27th June 2004
Victoria Park, Warrington.

Another Monday morning, another Donkeys match report, same old story.
An early start and a variety of pick ups around West Yorkshire assembled the fifteen Donkeys on parade, the Donkey cart arriving at a sun drenched Victoria Park half an hour before a one o clock kick off.
The final whistle after a game duration of four quarters of twenty minutes seemed an eternity away as the Donkeys picked up early injuries. Hank turned an ankle in the first minutes, destined to take no further part, T-Dub did the same then sprained his back making his first tackle, reducing his pace from pedestrian to glacial and introducing the two Donkey substitutes and prompting frantic application of deep heat.
Moments later playmakers Sergei reported a pulled calf and Deano twisted his arm/elbow in a tackle, reducing the Donkeys to 11 fit men (and some of those fit in the loosest possible sense.).
In the meantime sustained early Donkey pressure on the Warrington line came up with a try as Steve found a gap from short range after Jam and Grant had been repelled. Jonni converted from in front.
The determined and committed 19 (count em) strong Warrington squad, probably the physically largest encountered so far in IMBRL and who could no doubt play at a higher level, were stung into action by this indignity. After apparent b*llockings, threats of lynchings and confiscation of offenders' first born, the Wire, virtually frothing for a win, hit back, drew level then took a steady lead.
The usual Donkey second quarter fade came bang on schedule as Warrington ran through the possession starved Donkeys at will to establish an unassailable lead.
Half time came none too soon 36-6 with a chance to regroup and go through the usual "it's nil nil" routine.
After virtually one way traffic for 40 minutes, the Donkeys finally got some quality possession and position near the Warrington line. Using all his extensive experience and rolling back the years to his golden age, just after 1895, Sergei went from acting half, ten yards out, and with three Wire defenders hanging on, reached out of the tackle to plant the ball on the line. Jonni's effort narrowly missed, and the Donkeys were, errm, sort of back in the game at something like 10-40.
Unusually, the sin bin rule saw some use as a Warrington player was despatched for a swinging arm in the tackle on Jonni on 68 mins as the generally good spirit threatened to deteriorate, poacher turned gamekeeper Grant acquiring a cut on the bridge of his nose.
In the best Donkey move of the game a cleanish passing move released Steve, who floated along then through the defensive line for a smart solo finish, some, but not much consolation, duly converted by the nerveless Gaz.
After what seemed like an eight hour shift of hewing coal, full time eventually arrived with a deserved 54-16 result for the hungry Warrington lads.
Another body or two would have been useful, although an osteopath would have been just as welcome. Donkeys Man of the Match Steve appearing to have been mauled by an escaped leopard.
The heat of the battle and summer weather was soothed in the yard of the nearby Black Bear where battered and weary bodies rehydrated with a welcome draught of ale and post match pleasantries.
Not the Donkeys finest hour on the scoreboard, but another successful day for IMBRL Rugby League, especially the diversion to the Phoenix (honest) Chinese chippy in Bolton, for whom the diverted passing trade and visit from the Donkeys due to the M60 motorway closure may well have rescued their financial year.

1 Paul 'Hank' Hancock
2 Phil 'the ref' Downsborough
3 Gary' Gaz' Clarkson
4 Chris 'Bayleaf' Terry
5 Jonni Perks
6 Steve 'Crusher' Crawshaw
7 Dean 'Deano' Robinson
8 Tim 'T-Dub' Wilkinson
9 Grant 'Hatchet' Cooper
10 Pete 'Jam' Jamieson
11 Tim 'Moth' Huntley
12 Si 'Dog Faced Gremlin' Alvy
13 Tim 'Sergei' Hardcastle (capt)
14 Rob 'cones' Castlehouse
15 Chris Durkin

Steve Crawshaw 2 tries,Tim Hardcastle 1 try, Jonni 1 goal, Gaz 1 goal
Warrington IMBRL 11 tries 5 goals